He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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