Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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