you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
