Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
