What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
