This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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