she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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