You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
