Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
