I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
