With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
