just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
