don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
