shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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