and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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