Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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