Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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