textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ttyl tear gas
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
