Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think my moral compass just broke
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize