That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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