***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
