I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
