they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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