my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
