just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
