Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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