Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
