We need to rekindle our bromance
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
