They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
