Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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