I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
