I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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