we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
