My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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