The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
