I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
