I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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