Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
