every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
