There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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