i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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