someone get that fucking seahorse.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
