I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
