I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
