What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize