I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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