Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
