i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ATM looks so different sober.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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