Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
