So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
