I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
