just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
