Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
