He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
