I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
