I threw up into my coffee this morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
