mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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