i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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