Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
